apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
