evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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