so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Randomize