Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
