dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
