Pappa wants mamma naked
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
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