Say something about gay babies.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
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