We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Randomize
