Sponge bath it is.
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
