Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
