I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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