Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Randomize
