My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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