Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
ttyl tear gas
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Randomize
