dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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