I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
