Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Randomize
