was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Randomize
