I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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