I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
