I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Randomize
