Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize