We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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