So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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