Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
