definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
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