ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
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