sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
