Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
