how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
