So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize