There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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