so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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