went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
