google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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