Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
There r osticjed everywhere
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
