I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize