Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
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