Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
