It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
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