is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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