she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
