i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Randomize
