Can i not drive my cunt home
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize