You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
