she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
