glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
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