I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
