I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
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