I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
