girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
