do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
