tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
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