I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
