i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize