my mouth tastes like poor choices
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
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