Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Randomize
