Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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