We named our party play list daddy issues
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize