He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
