I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
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