You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Me too!
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize