Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
