i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
