Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
