Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Randomize
