I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
