I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Randomize
