you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
even my farts smell like vagina
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Randomize
