the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
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