Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
