i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
