1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
