A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
