um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
