this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
