Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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