Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
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I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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