Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
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