and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
