What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
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