Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
