So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
