She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I think I sprained my soul last night
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
