it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
of course. lets lasso hookers.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Randomize
