It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize