Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
