Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
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