Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Randomize
