i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
