hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
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