dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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