Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
