You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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