My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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