i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
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