apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
