My friends, they love my intelligence
This house was built for laser tag.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
