Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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