I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I got inside last night via doggy door
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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