and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Randomize
